Let's Back Track

I have been thinking lately that I need to write more about what's going on with me and Trevor as we get ready for this baby. I think of this kind of as my journal and so it really is important that I document somewhere the thoughts and feelings going on. Therefore I think I need to back up a little and tell about how we found out I was pregnant.

A little less than a year ago we thought it was about time for a baby at our house. Every month we kinda hoped and yet it just wasn't happening. Trevor wasn't too worried about it. He kept telling me it would happen when the time was right. For me, it wasn't so easy to be positive. At first, it wasn't a big deal. Then a few more months went by and still nothing! What was wrong with me??? It seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant. I had friends that got pregnant, had a miscarriage, and got pregnant again and still nothing for us. I had such mixed emotions. First of all, I was happy for those that were getting the chance to be parents, but then I was a little angry as well. What made some couples more ready than we were? I had friends that got pregnant "on the first try." But the worst of all was when a 15 year old girl that I had taught last year got pregnant. It just didn't seem fair. It has definitely been a learning experience. I know there are people out there that have been hoping for a baby longer than we did, and that there are even some people who will never have kids, but that does not diminish the feelings I had. I will forever have sympathy for people like that. I got just a small glimpse, but I still know how much it truly, well....sucked!

Finally at the end of November I started having all these weird things going on. One day in the middle of class I got the sharpest stabbing pain in my baby making parts. I had never experienced such pain. It wasn't cramps, it felt like I was being stabbed. It went away quickly, but was followed by another similar pain. Then it went away and I didn't feel it again. Then I started having heartburn. I never have heartburn...what was going on? For several days my chest was so sore. I really started to think I was falling apart.

Finally one day it registered.....maybe I'm pregnant! I was so excited, but I was trying to not be. I really didn't want to get my hopes up yet again. I told Trevor before he left for practice one day and he got a big smile on his face and said, "I hope you are." That was that. I thought I would wait a week before I took a home test. But when you are that excited it is really hard to wait that long. I waited only a couple days.

I got up one morning and decided that was the day to take the test. Trevor was actually still home and asleep that day. Usually he is long gone before I even wake up. I quietly took the test in the bathroom. And I'm telling you, I don't think pregnancy really can be measured by "pregnant" or "really pregnant" but if it could I would say I was very pregnant. Those two pink lines showed up almost immediately. I started to cry in the bathroom, but I had to be quiet because Trevor was still asleep.

I left the test out for him to find and tried to get dressed without making loud sobbing noises. Trevor finally got up and by this time I was sitting on the floor in front of my mirror putting on my make-up. He sticks his head out of the bathroom and is holding the test. He says, "You're pregnant!" I start to cry now and say (p.s. I am tearing up as I write this), "I know." He smiles and looks at me and is like, "You're pregnant.....and you're crying."

It was such an awesome moment. I hope that I never forget how special it was to me. That is why I had to try and put it in words. I still feel myself being a little jealous when people are like oh I am pregnant, and it is someone younger than me or someone that just has it happen for them "accidentally." It is silly to feel that way, but it just seemed like such a long road for us. I thought getting pregnant was a piece of cake....it apparently isn't for a lot of people. I think that is part of why I am so nervous about my pregnancy. I really can't believe it's happening. I am constantly worried that something will go wrong. We are so excited for this baby. He or She is such a blessing.

I can't wait for August!